World travel allows us to become world citizens. I wish I were doing more world travel.
I feel trapped inside my own mind and totally unwilling to give myself the key to escaping. Nice people surround me, all the time. What I seek is solitude. Amazing that not too long ago I found myself going crazy from lonliness. And yet, I remember that the lonliness didn’t exactly include solitude. I could still hear the neighbors and so I knew they could still hear me. I saw and heard the people walking down the street with the same effect. So, I suppose it is the same neurosis that is causing my anxiety today.
Today, I felt like I needed to go outside. I needed physical activity but I didn’t want to interact with anyone. I just wanted to get lost in gardening without feeling like I was being observed, without having to answer inane questions, and without pretending that I gave a flying fuck about what anyone said, did, felt, or wanted to otherwise share with me.
I looked outside and saw the beginnings of my nicely manicured yard area. I decided to spend half of all the money I possess and buy some nice plants. I went to the Koolau Garden Center and bought herbs and flowers. I drove directly home, excited to actually be able to dig, plant, weed, and enjoy the space that exists within five feet of my house.
Imagine the angst and dismay I felt to come back and find Friday, the landlady, and her white trash friend lounging in and around their little white trash inflatable swimming pool. Right where I would have to listen, see, interact, and be watched by them. And their stinky fucking dogs looking at my attempt at a little slice of paradise as a place to lay a big fat fucking dog turd.
Needless to say, I am less than thrilled and probably it is fair to say that I am totally incensed and so incredibly unhappy at this big typhoon that has swept down on my great plan to enjoy a beautiful day without having to deal with these stupid old fucking bitches.
Now, if only I could lead the life of a true vagabond.
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